Friday, January 15, 2010

Setbacks are the name of the game

Hello all,

So today, truthfully the last couple of days, haven't been great for me in the realm of my health anxiety. I'm having that annoying toe twitching again on one side and my toes feel weaker than on the other foot. Now, logically, I know I have the tendon problem, and my foot tends to roll inward and it's probably just an effect of my gait without wearing the correct orthotics...but of course my mind always wanders to the dark side. It also doesn't help that I've been just bombarded with mentions of ALS from fundraisers going on in school districts in my area to people appearing on TV with it that were happy with the passage of the medical marijuana bill in NJ. I know I shouldn't think of things as "signs", I learned that lesson during the whole HIV fiasco, but it's like it constantly has to be in my sight, in my mind.

Not helping matters is the fact that I've been having issues with my tongue lately (over the last month or so). First it just seemed as if my mouth was overly dry (often stress-related) then I felt like I was moving it kind of strangely and over-pronouncing my words, then it had a sort of burning sensation and was really sensitive to my teeth (which I also read could be stress-anxiety related) but now it just hurts, aches like an overworked muscle and I feel like certain aspects of my speech are stiff. I know there's a distinct possibility I'm holding it strangely due to stress and tension and straining the muscle thereby causing all the problems (since I've dealt with jaw pain and the like before) but I just can't seem to relax it or make my focus drift from it. I KNOW focusing on it is making things worse as always happens so I need to find a way to remedy that. I'm hoping a fun weekend with my boyfriend, aunt and cousins will do the trick. The kids will certainly keep me running around too much on Sunday to dwell on much anything else. Wish me luck.

In other news, the situation in Haiti is still very sad and I feel like I should be doing more to help. God bless all those poor people and all the wonderful doctors, volunteers and rescue workers who are doing their best and risking their own safety to help others.

Current plan: Watch a funny show or read an entertaining book, take a warm shower, get some things checked off my to-do list, try to get a decent night of sleep - hopefully all these things help.

Hugs and best wishes to all who need them today :)


  1. Hi CHN.. Thanks for your post. After doing some searching on the internet, its good to see that I am not alone. For the last three years I have been dealing with being a hypochrondriac. Every little ache that I amy have, my mind immediatly goes to it being something wrong with me. I have had a stress test, an EKG, and multiple blood test and thankfully nothing has come up. I am wearing myself down physically and mentally. No matter how much sleep I get, I wake up still tired. My mind is constantly going on and on. I think non stop about me dying, about me stop breathinng, about me having a heart attack, its awful. I went to a therapist who has referred me to a pyschitrist. I'm going to go and speak to some one but I wish I could just let these feelings go. I've always been a little paniky but as I get older it seems to get worst. I pray that soon I'll have a cure for it and I'll be able to just let these feelings go. Thank you for sharing your experiences and allowing me to share mine.

  2. Thanks for reading! I'm totally with you on the whole tired and worn-down thing. Health anxiety is exhausting -mentally and physically. I think a lot of people, including me for a while, try to hide all these fears they have for a long time but end up making it worse for themselves. I think there are more people dealing with this than we can even imagine and it never hurts to share our experiences and suggestions about what might help.

  3. Hey I just stumbled across your blog. My name is Rebecca, I'm 21 and I have suffered from health anxiety since I was 18 when I witnessed my dad have a heart attack. Since that moment I have not been the same happy outgoing carefree girl I used to be. I spend all my energy twoards thoughts of dying and am constatly searching the internet for health related issues. Have you tried therapy, if so how is it? I am so desperate for health and of course since I am a college student I don't exactly have the funding to see a medical professional. :( Any advice or suggestions wouldd help.

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