tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8873583297622182814.post1913826457589208765..comments2012-09-30T09:49:42.531-04:00Comments on The (Cracked) Health Nut: Inside the shell...CHNhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03751785777315537443noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8873583297622182814.post-21202520337978290292010-03-09T11:24:02.912-05:002010-03-09T11:24:02.912-05:00It was great to read your story. From a fellow cr...It was great to read your story. From a fellow cracked health nut, it's somehow comforting to know that there are others out there to commiserate with.<br /><br />I've tried to pin point a time when this happened to me, and I swear it goes back to my early teen years. I remember begging my mom to take me to the doctor's because I was absolutely convinced that I had a brain tumor. Thirty years later, no brain tumor (at least I don't think so, but it could happen at any moment, right?) <br /><br />I too would spend hours searching the internet, trying to explain that little ache, those pains, knowing for sure it was something terminal and I would be dead soon. Then, this strange "thing" took a bizarre twist. I'm not sure exactly when it happened or why, but about five or six years ago I did everything possible to AVOID going to the doctor, read something about an illness, and even quickly change the channel on the TV when an ad for some prescription drug came on. If I just avoid it, it will go away, right?? Wrong. I know this. I'm an educated, intelligent woman, and I know that being proactive and preventative medicine is the best thing. I just recently found the courage to look up this illness, this phobia, and discovered it has a name – latrophobia. Great – I guess I can put a label on it now.<br /><br />I've managed to keep all of this from my closest friends and even my family. My husband has recently been questioning me as to when I last went to the doctor, why I won't go, etc. He's a wonderful man, but at times not the most patient or understanding of mental health issues. I wanted for so long to tell him about my paralyzing fear and ask him to help me, but I just couldn’t do it. Until the other day. After coming down with a wretched cold/flu a week ago (apparently all of the hand sanitizer and spraying down the door handles isn’t foolproof ) I now have a horrible sinus infection. I finally realize that it isn’t going away on its own and the time has finally come to go to the doctor. I sat my husband down last night and through gallons of tears, shared with him the debilitating anxiety I have been living with for years. To my surprise, he didn’t laugh, he didn’t call me a freak, and he didn’t run out of the room. Instead, he held me and said he would try to help me through this. I know he can’t completely understand, but his empathy meant the world to me. So, he’s going to call today and make an appointment for tomorrow. I can’t begin to explain the absolute terror I am feeling about it. I know for certain I’ll probably have some sort of panic attack in the waiting room or something. Then what? I just don’t know. <br /><br />I know I’ve gone on way too long here. But, let me extend to you Cracked Health Nut, the utmost gratitude for creating this blog. Just writing this is a first step in what I hope will be a not so long journey to becoming “normal” again, whatever normal is. I don’t know if you’ve sought therapy, but I’m thinking of going that route myself. Hang in there, and I look forward to reading your blogs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com